Lone Wolves Academy Awards
Welcome to the first
Annual Lone Wolves Academy Awards ceremony.
Many years have passed since the inception of the club as a pretext to
gaining free entrance to Games Day and I feel it is time to recognise the highs
and lows of gaming comradeship on an annual basis; what better way to do this
than to blatantly rip off a tried and trusted format the Oscars.
The award categories
are:
1.
General of
the year
2.
Sporting
player
3.
Outburst
award
4.
Tourettes Award
5.
Beardiest
Army of the year
6.
Most
Exploited Unit
7.
The unit that
consistently fails to contribute
8.
Lawyered
Up
9.
Annual painting achievement
10.
Landscape
Gardener
11.
Special
Award - Kath’s Favourite
So over the next 40
minutes we will reminisce and revisit the lone wolves gaming year of 2013
1.
General of the year
This award goes to the
player who over the year has commanded his forces to victory after victory; no
matter what the period or game played. He can take any forces he is presented
with and use of tactics and audacious vision steers them to victory. The few defeats experienced are hard fought
and feel like a win even when the results are declared. .
The Nominees are
Neil – I didn’t know
it was ¼ to 1 in the morning
Tom – It’s not over
yet - WINNER
Frazer - If I have one more shit turn it is over
Chris - Dum de Dum de Dum
2.
Sporting player
The desire to win can
often be in conflict to remaining sporting and it is often one of the more
difficult or overlooked aspects of the game, agreeing a contentious line of
site, the fractions of an inch that confirm or deny a charge or the finest of
angles for an arc of fire. Where saying
yes will invariably put the player at a disadvantage and do it anyway; your
fate left to the roll of the dice.
Magnanimous in victory, complementary in defeat a paragon of the hobby;
an example for us all to strive for as we start again in 2014
The Nominees are
Simon - Go on then you
can have it
Neil - Yeah whatever
it’s fine - WINNER
Elliot – No its fine
<looks at phone>
Chris – No…
Matt - *clearing of
throat* er ok
Tom – Not really but…
3.
Outburst
This award is
presented to the individual that has, for a number of factors, exceeded the
acceptable constraints of the gaming environment. We all remember the flying Dark Elves and
snapping of pencils that have passed from anecdote to legend and into myth.
The Nominees are
Frazer – For the 40k
shot putt
Simon – Endless
calling of gay and bent to his opponent
Elliot – “He’s using
the rules to win”
Matt – “It’s your
attitude and I am going home!” - WINNER
Dave – “no no no” and
“stop stop stop”
4.
Tourettes award
Chris -Winner
5.
Beardiest Army of the year
An award that needs no
introduction a category that even the most novice of players can determine at
10 yards the beardiest army is otherwise known as a tournament army or a forum
army; the style of army that is most often crafted not from the despicable mind
of its owner but from the collective hive mind of the dirty internet gaming
community. The kind of individuals that
never paint their figures and never plan to either.
The Nominees are
Chris – Daemons
Chris – Lizards
Chris – Skraeling
Chris – Dark Eldar
Frazer – No that’s a
typo!
Chris – I had the army
before the rules came out. - WINNER
6. Most Exploited Unit
For every game or army
there is a unit that has somehow ended up being better than it should be, this
could be the points cost or a special rule that can be combined in an manner
not predicted or perhaps the writer has a subconscious bias but whatever the
reason this unit provokes a resigned sigh of despair that the ensuing conflict
will be that much more difficult and unrestrained laughter or mocking on the
rare occasion it is soundly beaten.
The Nominees are
Elliot – Mournfang - WINNER
Chris – Salamanders
Frazer – Dark Elves
Army
Neil – Mangler Squigs
Matt – Volksgrenadiers
Simon – Rarely happens
7. Unit that Consistently Fails to Contribute
Over the weeks and
months that we conduct miniature battle over scale worlds real or imagined
there is always that unit which despite every expectation underperforms at
every deployment; the unit that on the page that is perhaps supremely powerful
or intrinsically flexible or just exceptionally good value but somehow
consistently fails to deliver on its type written potential. The familiar call of “where are your knights
or devastators” greeted with barely a single word, gone, or perhaps just a finger gesture towards the dead pile or
figure case.
The Nominees are
Frazer – Chaos Knights
Chris –
Salamanders
Matt – Panzer II Luchs
Simon - Grey Seer on Screaming Bell
Tom - Chaos Lord - WINNER
8.
Lawyered Up
A contentious
category, one I am sure that stirs the blood of everyone in the room as we all
enter into an unspoken code of conduct, gaming within the rules. There are times when the ambiguity or the
unforeseen can throw up situations that can at best be rolled for at worst halt
all activity in the gaming hall, yes I mean the garage, as it draws parties
interested or otherwise into hot debate.
Where the rules are flaunted in the face of the transgressor in a manner
that can sometimes be seen as irksome or the rules are clearly being used as an
ambush in the foulest manner
The nominees are
Dave - WINNER
9.
Annual
painting achievement award
This category covers
the entire palette of painting, the amount of work completed, the quality of
the finished models and any new or innovate techniques used or perfected. In an unusual turn of events this category is
more hotly contested than usual with individuals showing a much higher
completion rate and quality rarely seen and seldom expected
The Nominees are
Frazer – for an SS
Company Camouflage
Elliot – for significant
improvement in quality and quantity
Chris – for Savant
production – 24 daemons, definitely 24 daemons!
Simon – For breaking
all previous preconceptions – have you seen my exarch? - WINNER
10. Landscape Gardener
The Landscape Gardener
award covers a multitude of practices on and around the table that could not be
considered under any other category.
This year’s nominations cover breakages, lack of attention, confusing
onlookers by cluttering the table with dead figures, excessive bum crack on
show and displaying an offensive amount of screen time
The Nominees are
Chris - for constant
breakages
Elliot – for littering
the table with the dead - WINNER
Jon – for littering
the table with the dead
Elliot – for excessive
phone browsing
Chris – for constant
breakages
Elliot – for prison pants and excessive bum crack
11.
Special
Award - Kath’s Favourite
This award has been
sponsored by Kath in role as chairman of the Lone Wolves Academy. She speaks to
those of you that are on the tea run she and often comments on those that stop
for a quick chat whilst the kettle is boiling.
This special award is to recognise the person or persons she has liked
the most in 2013
The Nominees are
Frazer
Neil
Simon - WINNER
Matt
Elliot
Dave
Tom
Jon
Matt was first to arrive; It was a 'Black Tie Event'
Matt accepts the Best General Award on behalf of Tom - a little map to show him where to go
Chris is excited to win Beardiest Army - sadly the were all out of beards and he had to make do with some cheese
Elliot's Prize for Most Exploited Unit
Elliot's Price for Landscape Gardener - should help get the dead figures off the table
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