Tuesday, 31 December 2013

Lone Wolves Annual Acadamy Awards 2013

Two weeks ago we held the first award ceremony below is a transcript of the event.  Some pictures of the event at the end of the post

Lone Wolves Academy Awards


Welcome to the first Annual Lone Wolves Academy Awards ceremony.  Many years have passed since the inception of the club as a pretext to gaining free entrance to Games Day and I feel it is time to recognise the highs and lows of gaming comradeship on an annual basis; what better way to do this than to blatantly rip off a tried and trusted format the Oscars.


The award categories are:


1.    General of the year

2.    Sporting player

3.    Outburst award

4.    Tourettes Award

5.    Beardiest Army of the year

6.    Most Exploited Unit

7.    The unit that consistently fails to contribute

8.    Lawyered Up

9.    Annual painting achievement

10.  Landscape Gardener

11.  Special Award - Kath’s Favourite


So over the next 40 minutes we will reminisce and revisit the lone wolves gaming year of 2013



1.     General of the year


This award goes to the player who over the year has commanded his forces to victory after victory; no matter what the period or game played. He can take any forces he is presented with and use of tactics and audacious vision steers them to victory.  The few defeats experienced are hard fought and feel like a win even when the results are declared.  . 

The Nominees are

Neil – I didn’t know it was ¼ to 1 in the morning

Tom – It’s not over yet - WINNER

Frazer - If I have one more shit turn it is over
Chris - Dum de Dum de Dum



2.     Sporting player

The desire to win can often be in conflict to remaining sporting and it is often one of the more difficult or overlooked aspects of the game, agreeing a contentious line of site, the fractions of an inch that confirm or deny a charge or the finest of angles for an arc of fire.  Where saying yes will invariably put the player at a disadvantage and do it anyway; your fate left to the roll of the dice.  Magnanimous in victory, complementary in defeat a paragon of the hobby; an example for us all to strive for as we start again in 2014


The Nominees are


Simon - Go on then you can have it

Neil - Yeah whatever it’s fine - WINNER

Elliot – No its fine <looks at phone>

Chris – No…

Matt - *clearing of throat* er ok

Tom – Not really but…


3.     Outburst

This award is presented to the individual that has, for a number of factors, exceeded the acceptable constraints of the gaming environment.  We all remember the flying Dark Elves and snapping of pencils that have passed from anecdote to legend and into myth.


The Nominees are


Frazer – For the 40k shot putt

Simon – Endless calling of gay and bent to his opponent

Elliot – “He’s using the rules to win”

Matt – “It’s your attitude and I am going home!” - WINNER

Dave – “no no no” and “stop stop stop”


4.     Tourettes award

Chris -Winner


5.     Beardiest Army of the year

An award that needs no introduction a category that even the most novice of players can determine at 10 yards the beardiest army is otherwise known as a tournament army or a forum army; the style of army that is most often crafted not from the despicable mind of its owner but from the collective hive mind of the dirty internet gaming community.  The kind of individuals that never paint their figures and never plan to either.


The Nominees are


Chris – Daemons

Chris – Lizards

Chris – Skraeling

Chris – Dark Eldar

Frazer – No that’s a typo!

Chris – I had the army before the rules came out. - WINNER



6.     Most Exploited Unit

For every game or army there is a unit that has somehow ended up being better than it should be, this could be the points cost or a special rule that can be combined in an manner not predicted or perhaps the writer has a subconscious bias but whatever the reason this unit provokes a resigned sigh of despair that the ensuing conflict will be that much more difficult and unrestrained laughter or mocking on the rare occasion it is soundly beaten.


The Nominees are

Elliot – Mournfang - WINNER

Chris – Salamanders

Frazer – Dark Elves Army

Neil – Mangler Squigs

Matt – Volksgrenadiers

Simon – Rarely happens



7.     Unit that Consistently Fails to Contribute

Over the weeks and months that we conduct miniature battle over scale worlds real or imagined there is always that unit which despite every expectation underperforms at every deployment; the unit that on the page that is perhaps supremely powerful or intrinsically flexible or just exceptionally good value but somehow consistently fails to deliver on its type written potential.  The familiar call of “where are your knights or devastators” greeted with barely a single word, gone, or perhaps just a finger gesture towards the dead pile or figure case.


The Nominees are


Frazer – Chaos Knights

Chris – Salamanders

Matt – Panzer II Luchs

Simon - Grey Seer on Screaming Bell
Tom - Chaos Lord - WINNER



8.     Lawyered Up

A contentious category, one I am sure that stirs the blood of everyone in the room as we all enter into an unspoken code of conduct, gaming within the rules.  There are times when the ambiguity or the unforeseen can throw up situations that can at best be rolled for at worst halt all activity in the gaming hall, yes I mean the garage, as it draws parties interested or otherwise into hot debate.  Where the rules are flaunted in the face of the transgressor in a manner that can sometimes be seen as irksome or the rules are clearly being used as an ambush in the foulest manner


The nominees are




9.     Annual painting achievement award

This category covers the entire palette of painting, the amount of work completed, the quality of the finished models and any new or innovate techniques used or perfected.  In an unusual turn of events this category is more hotly contested than usual with individuals showing a much higher completion rate and quality rarely seen and seldom expected


The Nominees are


Frazer – for an SS Company Camouflage

Elliot – for significant improvement in quality and quantity

Chris – for Savant production – 24 daemons, definitely 24 daemons!

Simon – For breaking all previous preconceptions – have you seen my exarch? - WINNER


10.  Landscape Gardener

The Landscape Gardener award covers a multitude of practices on and around the table that could not be considered under any other category.  This year’s nominations cover breakages, lack of attention, confusing onlookers by cluttering the table with dead figures, excessive bum crack on show and displaying an offensive amount of screen time


The Nominees are


Chris - for constant breakages

Elliot – for littering the table with the dead - WINNER

Jon – for littering the table with the dead

Elliot – for excessive phone browsing

Chris – for constant breakages

Elliot – for prison pants and excessive bum crack




11.  Special Award - Kath’s Favourite

This award has been sponsored by Kath in role as chairman of the Lone Wolves Academy. She speaks to those of you that are on the tea run she and often comments on those that stop for a quick chat whilst the kettle is boiling.  This special award is to recognise the person or persons she has liked the most in 2013


The Nominees are




Simon - WINNER






Matt was first to arrive; It was a 'Black Tie Event'
 Matt accepts the Best General Award on behalf of Tom - a little map to show him where to go
Chris is excited to win Beardiest Army - sadly the were all out of beards and he had to make do with some cheese
Elliot's Prize for Most Exploited Unit
Elliot's Price for Landscape Gardener - should help get the dead figures off the table


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