Wednesday, 10 October 2012

Accepting New Members

The Lone Wolves table top war gaming club, established in 1997, are now accepting applications for membership. Situated in the North East of Bristol a sizeable but draughty venue with easy access and a fine tradition of fantasy and historical1 gaming

The successful applicant will should meet the following criteria

  • Be available 44 Wednesdays a year
  • Must have a head between 56 and 60 cm2 ; part of a strict dress code and only a single hat
  • You should have the following games3 in your portfolio but be able to respond to a dynamic and ever changing environment and jump on any and every fad or band wagon that an existing member may choose without notice. This will require some financial commitment, minor larceny or unspecified skulduggery
  • A fast acerbic and punitive sense of humour is preferred, the ability to pun or play on words desirable a thick skin essential otherwise you may go home in tears; even if you won
  • A fast accurate and lusty painting style with a willingness to paint for others an advantage but frankly anything with paint on will do in a pinch
  • Should be a capable convertor or modeller or be willing to learn. Projects will be set as homework.
  • Should make a decent cup of tea and an ok cup of coffee. No one cares about squash
  • Should be a competitive but sporting player may be required to go to tournaments at a moment’s notice when others members cancel or are too cluck cluck cluck chicken5
  • New members should be prepared to lose at least half their games otherwise you will make us look bad
  • Should recognise a tape measure and how to use it over and above Mark 1 eye ball and 'that'll do'.

Club membership is only £10 per month and includes the following benefits

· Free copy of rules for any club adopted games

· Unflattering nickname

· Much mirth

· Unprecedented access to offensive smells

· Late to bed in the small hours of Thursday

· Occasional cakes6

· Cold feet & sore knees7

1.     We are not  button counters though.
2.     We may purchase an additional hat but it will be the same size
3.     Warhammer Fantasy Battle, Warhammer 40k, Flames of War, Bolt Action, Disposable Heroes, Wings of War, Bugmans, Chaos Marauders, Warmachine, Warhammer Ancient Battles, Napoleonic rules TBC, Epic 40k, Necromunda, Mordhiem, X wing & occasional RPG’s
4.     If you are wearing the hat at 21:30 or 22:30 then you will be designated beverage maker
5.     Most of us really but Binx wants a tournament partner
6.     Be polite otherwise you won’t get them again
7.     The floor is concrete and there is little that can be done about it.


  1. Where do I sign?
    I'm sick of the guys in my club!

  2. Oh come on Neil it's us that are getting sick of you.......only joking it's Chris we're sick of really...